I try to keep up with the football world. My favorite club is FC Barcelona. Now, now...I'm sure most of you think I'm a band-wagoner or you think I only like them because they're arguably the best team around but I've followed them for quite a while. I don't think I need to justify it anymore besides saying that I'm a fan so piss off. Every other game, I hear them saying "we're focusing on this game and not the next" or something along those lines. It's something I look up to, something I envy.

I tell myself to focus on what I have going on for myself instead of letting one person ruin it for me but the truth is it's so fucking hard to focus on the shit you have going on in your life when you have a monkey on your back constantly stabbing at your conscience. I may not be the best at producing or mixing or mastering and, musically speaking, I'm probably utter shit; but it's something I like to do. I may never get recognized, or signed, or get famous, or ever make a living off of this. Would I turn down the opportunity? Of course not. Realistically speaking, the chances of that happening are harsh. But who knows? That's besides the point. I want to do this because I like doing this.

I take my music personal and until recently I've become much more open about it. I was so frightened by the thought that I would be judged or that people wouldn't like it but as of now, I couldn't give a flying donkey cunt. Excuse the language. I guess this all started with me trying to prove a point but now I'm realizing I wanna do it because I want to do it, not to show off to someone else and have them bask in their misery or regret because we stopped talking, but because I have fun doing this. I like doing this. Even if I suck.

I'm being very vague about what I'm really trying to say. In other words, I still love you and I hate you. I don't want to fight any longer. I want this to work but I can't do this alone but sometimes we must give the things up we want now for things we've always wanted. You think I'm a joke apparently and you say I can shove my "hopes where the sun don't shine." Good, so be it. I'd prefer all of your encouragement and all of your support but if this is what I get, then this is what I shall work with.