Up to watch the snow fall
Brack bones, cold and still
Home is an old, old picture
Sleep by my window sill

After drinks are over
We can tread back home
Help me make odd noises
String my heart with gold

I'm convinced this is something I've been waiting for

I feel the rust in my bones
Sculptor, my bolts came loose
My words sound out of tune
Without my noisy cues

Ideas, displayed ambition
Reputation is on the line
I'll try to make this happen
10 more years gone by

Out on a limb
I'm hanging onto the memory
A mild beacon
I'm not like them but I can pretend
You're just as foolish, indulge in their sins

I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
But that's not the problem 'cause baby I'm young
We'll float around, swim in the pain
She's poorly loved and I'm here to blame

Stare at the crowd
Don't look at me
I'm not a sideshow to spread your disease
I'm just around, just hanging out
I'm on my high horse so don't bring me down

We're having fun
I think you're dumb
That's not a problem 'cause baby we're young
Go have a smoke and pass me a drink
Go fuck the girl with a low self esteem

You were absolutely right
I'm careless, fucked up, inconsiderate
Not one single effort to make any early change
I know I've been wrong but trust me it's not the way I want it to be
I hope it's not too late.

I'm just myself
Without a care
Without a purpose
With no one to spare

Stuck in the hole
I've dug for myself
It's not so bad here
I'll stay for a while

I think I'm dumb
I think I'm numb
Maybe just happy

http://soundcloud.com/coedmusic/you-know-youre-r ight-original-demo

I'm pouring my heart out to you.

http://soundcloud.com/coedmusic/something-bitter -and-sweet

This is by no means an exhaustive analysis of the poem, but basically, the whole thing's about a man who's lost his love and, it's hinted, other people important to him.

He's trying to drown his sorrow in boring old books (as you do!) when the raven arrives and sits on the bust of Pallas (goddess of wisdom). Therefore he assumes the bird might be able to answer some of his cosmological questions.

But it keeps answering 'nevermore' - i.e. you'll never stop being depressed, never see Lenore again, never get on with your life...you get the picture.

Though if I'm helping you with an English essay here, you should consider that the raven is not a literal raven, but a symbol of the man's own depressed psyche.

http://soundcloud.com/coedmusic/bunch-of-noise-a nd-nothing

Unravel

I've been waiting too long now
(To unravel)
I've been waiting too long now
(Waiting...to unravel)

So long to unravel
(On the dock of our nevermore)
I've been slow to unravel
(I've been slow to unvail this thought)

I've been waiting too long now
(To unravel)
I've been waiting too long now
(Waiting...to unravel)

So long to unravel
(On the dock of our nevermore)
I've been slow to unravel
(I've been slow to unvail this thought)

I'm not very good at ignoring someone. I guess it's easier when they do it for you.

I want to say something.

I'll get this really big boost of confidence and I'll play it out in my head a million times over and over again. I'll plan out everything I have to say, everything she would (or could) say, and every reply I would have to it.

It's perfect and foolproof.

But then the more I think about it, the more I start to doubt myself, and the less motivated I become to actually go through with it. I obviously fucked this up and although she says she's forgiven me, it's hard to ignore the distant glare in her voice when she says "I'm okay." She's good at coming off as apathetic but only for so long. She's a fickle lover.

My biggest issue is that I've created this whole thing in my head where I think she's still in my life. And she quite possibly is in some context; she still makes an effort to say something 'subliminally' via certain social networks. Fucking birds. But that's the thing...she really isn't there. She was, but not anymore. She's become an idea, a fantasy. I'm in love with the idea but the truth is that the reality doesn't exist any longer.

We're alike. We're both stubborn and hardheaded* and 1st place bullshit liars. We're angry at each other and I'll have to admit she practices her craft much better than I do. I'm passive in other words. I'm like the Lionel Messi of this argument: quiet, humble, and composed. She's the Cristiano Ronaldo: explosive, dangerous at any given time, and full of flair.
And boy does she use flair.

I remember once saying "I'm convinced that I'm a romantic guy" only to have her repost it with a reply saying how much she loathed self-righteousness using me as the example. It was cheeky trying to unfasten my confidence but to no success. If you think about it, it's probably why I haven't stopped trying to win her back.

How dare I say such a thing? How dare I stir all those emotions she's buried deep into whatever that thing is inside her chest that pumps the black sludge through her veins? Yeah, of course, I'm a monster...except, I'm not a monster. I'm not the monster that she makes me out to be. But I have too become an idea to her. An idea she loves to hate. At least there's still love for something, right? Fuck me and my optimism.

Maybe, before she goes back forever, I'll show up on her doorstep with another letter, some breakfast, and some champagne (because who doesn't like mimosas at 9am?) and we'll be okay. I won't have to say a word and neither will she. We'll just sit there and stare at each other and have a shared giddy smile and enjoy the silence.

page 23

*Not sure if that's a real word but it's supposed to be a bad pun. See 'thirsty' at urbandictionary.com

She likes to practice her fucked words in my head so she can collect me, so she can cement me to her wall of memories.
I act dumb for practice and that's all that matters.
I loved her and fucked her so she can remember I'm not some...just anyone to forget.

I'm doing it again.
I'm pinning myself down to this old crucifix.
I'm blaming myself.
I'm doing it again.
I'm trying to convince myself that I'll be fine but none of it is making any sense.

My friends are helping to get me to my grave.
I'm frantic and happy.
I'm quiet and manic.
It's okay to smile.
The cameras are mild.
I don't care what you think unless it's about me.
I wish I was like you, so easily amused and abused.

It's 3 am
Hit the road and beat the traffic for a while
Our eyes on the line and the weather's warm

10 more hours and we've made it
And Kelley doesn't even know

We're the kind of friends who do nice things for each other
Yeah, you can sit at our table
You'll never walk alone when the sun's heavy and the feeling's low

It's been so long that it's like I've never sang to anyone
Oh
Let's slow down
We drive too fast

We look so good driving down a sunrise on the 15
10 more miles and we've made it

One more drink and we start to sing our lungs out
No more hotels
We've finally made it home

Let's find a place to rest for a while
To dance and wine
All our girls are looking so damn fine

It's been so long that it seems I've never danced with anyone
Oh
She moves so
She moves so well

And it's been so long that it feels like I've never been in love with anyone
Oh
Girl slow down
Girl slow down with me

I need to get myself together not because I need to make anyone proud or vindicate myself but because I really need to change. Truth is I haven't changed. I've been selfish, immature, all vulgar. I need to do this for myself. Not for you, not for anybody, just me.

I'm not drunk or sedated or on anything. I'm just starting to see things a little clearer.

Maybe I'm starting to find that change I've been looking for. Wish me luck.

Sorry for the rant.

I've been so busy lately with work and writing and my personal life. I hope everyone's doing great!

So a while ago I wrote about having writers block. I'd like to mention that I've overcome that bump in the road and have been writing. I want to begin recording again and release some new songs soon. I just wish I had better equipment to record with. I'm still shopping for equipment in other words. Really, I'm just jotting a wishlist so to speak. All the white noise really bugs me but hey, maybe it adds a bit of character to my music. Idk, who knows really?!

Hope you guys had a great holiday. :)