It's the most difficult thing for me to do. I can't put into words the things I'm trying to explain to people.

I'm sure you can relate. How do you guys do it?
How do my heroes make it look so easy?

Conundrum.

It would be so much easier to record if I had the equipment in the palm of my hand. I also wish I could just snap my fingers and have the money spring into my hand to buy it.

This is why we break our backs day in and day out.

I've saved up. Time to spend wisely.
Cheers to our first move. Cheers to progression.

I hope you folks are doing well.

Sometimes the silence guides your mind.

If it's not one addiction, it's another.

Today I met an awesome girl. She's sweet, just got into UCLA, and we talked all day long at the LA Kings game. I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch sometime outside of work and she said yes. But as I was taking her number down, our supervisor cut us off, and had me leave. So I left without her number. But as I was going to my car I said fuck it, wrote my number down on a baseball card I had in my pocket, and went back to give it to her.

She sent me a text saying that our supervisor threatened to write her up because she didn't want us seeing each other since we're co-workers. I wrote her back and explained that I probably wouldn't see her again which is why I asked for her number. I also explained that I didn't want either of us to get in trouble but if she decided to change her mind then she knew how to reach me.

This actually happened to me today. I had never met her before today and I think I should go after her. Do you?

Well here's the beat. Be my friend.

Keep my private life private.

I try to keep up with the football world. My favorite club is FC Barcelona. Now, now...I'm sure most of you think I'm a band-wagoner or you think I only like them because they're arguably the best team around but I've followed them for quite a while. I don't think I need to justify it anymore besides saying that I'm a fan so piss off. Every other game, I hear them saying "we're focusing on this game and not the next" or something along those lines. It's something I look up to, something I envy.

I tell myself to focus on what I have going on for myself instead of letting one person ruin it for me but the truth is it's so fucking hard to focus on the shit you have going on in your life when you have a monkey on your back constantly stabbing at your conscience. I may not be the best at producing or mixing or mastering and, musically speaking, I'm probably utter shit; but it's something I like to do. I may never get recognized, or signed, or get famous, or ever make a living off of this. Would I turn down the opportunity? Of course not. Realistically speaking, the chances of that happening are harsh. But who knows? That's besides the point. I want to do this because I like doing this.

I take my music personal and until recently I've become much more open about it. I was so frightened by the thought that I would be judged or that people wouldn't like it but as of now, I couldn't give a flying donkey cunt. Excuse the language. I guess this all started with me trying to prove a point but now I'm realizing I wanna do it because I want to do it, not to show off to someone else and have them bask in their misery or regret because we stopped talking, but because I have fun doing this. I like doing this. Even if I suck.

I'm being very vague about what I'm really trying to say. In other words, I still love you and I hate you. I don't want to fight any longer. I want this to work but I can't do this alone but sometimes we must give the things up we want now for things we've always wanted. You think I'm a joke apparently and you say I can shove my "hopes where the sun don't shine." Good, so be it. I'd prefer all of your encouragement and all of your support but if this is what I get, then this is what I shall work with.

Hey friend, don't you think you better cool it down? You're always getting curious & leaving town. Be my friend and stick around.

We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.